It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm too high and old for this...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
