He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
