wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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