It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
