Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
