my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
