I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
