First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
