I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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