The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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