mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
