no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
