I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
