My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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