she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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