Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
