FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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