While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's rum buckets o'clock
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
