i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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