I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
