i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
