one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
