You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
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I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
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I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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