Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
