I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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