I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
