Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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