I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Randomize
