Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize