Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hello my rib-scented angel!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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