U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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