If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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