it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So squirting runs in the family.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
