but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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