you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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