My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
