naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
