her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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