That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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