I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
