Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
