You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
