I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
