roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I deserve this hangover.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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