apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
