Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
