Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
