Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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