ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
