it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
