I feel great
I just peed on a car
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
