what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
