dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
