At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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