I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
