mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Your dad touched me again.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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