Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
