I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
