she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize