I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
