just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
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My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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