She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
