Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
