I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
