i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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