Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
