How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
