It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
