love makes seman taste better
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
