drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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