I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
