"it" just moved
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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