i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
