What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
