I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
