I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How naked do you want me to be?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
