I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
