someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
