Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
