I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
