how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
