Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
