I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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