U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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